Street Rat

Today......


Today has not been a good day. In reflection perhaps I was being overly sensitive. On edge and maybe jumped the gun over what could have been miscommunication. Maybe I jumped the gun because the @mail to me did not mention that the post was coming down. I've been MU*ing since 1993. I've had many bad experiences with Staff that ran thier games like a dictatorship and the slightest objection to them merited removal. I was being pessimistic because everything else in my life has gone to shit recently. Emotionally, financially, professionally. I try to keep my feelings to myself. I try to keep my issues to myself. I bottle it all up. I don't ask for help. I don't....I don'[t know how and I don't like showing weakness. I hate peopple seeing me cry. I guess the bottle top just finally popped and for that I apologize. (Pardon if the spelling here is wrong.. I can't really see the screen right now. Had to take my contacts out to soak. Crying can really screw up the lenses from the protiens I guess.)

I'm doing this here to make it as public as the previous post. When I'm wrong I say I'm wrong. I should not have lashed out at people.

You see a lot of things have happened to me all at once IRL. Like a damn tornado rushing through and ripping everything away from me.

Some may think it's stupid of me, most people never think that much of it. But I'm crushed.... I lost my little girl today. My canine little girl. She's been in my life now for as long as my human child. She had been my comfort and my rock through the abusive marriage I was in, through the divorce, through me trying to figure out how in the hell I was going to put a roof over my children's heads (yes her included), through the struggles to find work to put food on the table, through the illnesses....throgh it all. It was just me, her, and my child who is now only 7. And I lost her.

It started Thursday. She was throwing up all Weds night. I took her in to the vet after taking the little one to school. On the way there the brakes on the junker of a car I drive started grinding. The vet said he'd have to keep her to run tests overnight. Turned out she had a genetic disease that basically shuts down the kidneys and slowly poisons the body unless caught early. Unfortunately they don't show signs or symptoms till it's usually too late.

The brake pads I thought I needed turned into rotors ($253)...more than I could afford but it had to be done.

I had hope though.. I visited her after work every day after work. I took the son to visit his sister last night. We took her her favorite toy. Her little stuffed pink bear that has a squeaky in it.

I went to see her this morning, still full of hope until the receptionist asked if I had gotten my message. I felt the ground drop out from under me. She passed sometime early this morning. They checked on her at 2:30 am and she was sleeping (and snoring like she always does) then a little while later... she was gone.

I got to see her this morning. She was cold...wet.. from the refridgeration I assume. But she looked like she was sleeping. Same position she always sleeps in. Peaceful.

I have the choice of cremation or I can bury her myself. I can't ... I'm not able to dig the hole to bury her. I have noone else that could do it for me. I can't afford cremation but.. it's what I have to do .. another $150 on top of the $390 vet bill. But it has to be done.

Now I just have to tell my little boy that his sister (for all intents and purposes) is dead. I pick him up from his father's in the morning..so close to the holidays. Holidays that i don't know if I can pay for now.


Not trying to lay my problems off on anyone here. It's actually... well it's quite hard to admit all this and to share this with people. But I don't want to bottle it anymore and put on a happy face to make people more comfortable anymore. I don't want to pretend to be cheerful. That's the funny part about emotions. Pain and sadness is considered and seen as a weakness...anger is seen as strength. Happiness.. safe, comfortable.

But I let my pain and stress out on people that have nothing to do with it all. I struck out at people that do not deserve it. For that.. I am sorry. Please accept my apologies.

Call me petty... Call me whatever but I'm kinda ticked off right now. I spent a LOT of time looking things up, doing background, trying to come up with ideas to present to people in response to the post 2/12 Scenes & You on the bboards.
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It's likely I will be reprimanded or maybe even booted from the game entirely for posting this and to those I've RP'ed with I'm sorry. You can contact me here in that event. I'll let you know where else you can reach me or if you want you can do LJ RP here or something. But I'm pissed. Why will follow later. First... here is the bbpost I did.


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Moments after this was posted (approximately 2 minutes I believe) I received this @mail:

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Was my post even read before this mail was banged out and sent? Then I try to go back and re-read my post to see if maybe I didn't make it clear that these were ideas to think about and to get with Staff (an encouragement to players to communicate with Staff and be "Responsive" as per the 2/12 bbpost)about. But what do I find? My post has been deleted. Completely. Gone.. No warning.. no nothing.. just gone. What the hell? By anyone's book that is rude. Especially to do when someone is simply trying to help you out and encourage player involvement. It's like as a player you should not say anything or offer any kind of creative involvement towards the game at all. That's the impression it leaves. A rather "Thanks but no thanks." kind of response.

And why post this all here? Cause if I post it on the game then it'll just get deleted again. Nothing in my post was anything that a person with access to Wikipedia can't get or anything new to the Marvel Universe. No spoilers to the plot. How can I give Spoilers? I don't know what any of the frickin plots are!!!! Not mentioning major villians doesn't mean that people are going to forget they exist. So why rip down an entire post that took hours to compile without so much as a "kiss my ass" or any kind of explination as to why? I'm sorry but that is just in bad taste. Very bad taste. I'm a person. Talk to me. Pay attention to what I say before deciding what is obviously must be about without bothering to read what I say. You want involvement... well everytime I try I'm told no. Hard to get involved when you're hands are tied and you get nasty-grams for merely floating ideas out there of things that might be fun to do on the grid and what might be fun to incorporate into the plot.

After a visit from the all too wise landlady of Logans (try saying that five times fast!!) Pat has found herself sporting a fashion that is alien to her and a bit on edge. Good thing Logan show sup with some food and food for thought for a little embarassment.

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Pat and Logan have made thier way back from the hospital where she finally opens up, shares fears, and some info. Note: Scene is not complete yet. There will be more added.




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After having left Logan and ventured back out on her own, Pat turns up on his doorstep in dire straights. Rated PG-13 for mature subject matter and content.



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Found a really cool pic that just screams Pat and thought I'd post it in here for myself if nothing else to keep track of it. Also a pic of the tattoo that she has on her back now down near the base of it centered on the spine with the wings going out over the hips a little.

( Pat Pic )

( Pat's Tat )

Okay so the musical thing that was started got me to thinking in the oddest places. Like driving in the car and hearing a song. In the bathtub hearing a song. (yeah I tend to listen to music everywhere I go) So.... I thought some lyrics posting would be appropo.

( Come Undone )

( Firefly )

( Shut Me Up )



More to follow later.....

(OOC: This is rated R for the mention of nudity (think along the lines of how a TV show might display it), sexual innuendo, and cursing. But then again there's always cursing when Pat is involved isn't there. Oh well.. here it is...)

Morning has come after a very strange night for Logan and Pat. Issues are brought to the fore of thier minds about the changing nature of thier aquaintence but neither loners are willing to talk about it. Some shields are weakened and they try to awkwardly feel thier way around the situation.

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Pat reveals some of her past and Logan breaks through some barriers.


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Even though she runs, Pat just can't seem to hide from a certain someone with a super sniffer.

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Pat is on the run from her safe house after an unexpected visitor comes calling. She heads to the Park to use her old hide out of the Castle and finds Zach there with disturbing news about the place.

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When a narcotics induced Pat and a concerned Gwen chat out on the fire escape they attract a certain, surly alley cat that goes by the name Creed. And for those of you just tuning in be aware that this scene has adult situations and foul language. If you're easily offended don't click the cut to read more.

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Logan and Gwen help bust Pat out of the Hospital

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Wanda and Pietro come to see a still fuming Pat at the Hospital.

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Pat wakes up in the hospital and she's not a happy camper.

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Yes folks here's the zoo scene courtesy of Fiver Monday night. Feel free to pilfer for the Yahoo group if ya want. Enjoy!

Where: Bronx Zoo - Bronx
Who: Saga, Adam, Pat, Simon, Pietro, Fiver, Sauron, and NPCs out the whazooti!
What: Read and find out silly!!

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On the morning of her brithday, before going to get her tattoo with Caitlin, at stops off in the Mickey Dees for a bite and runs into some strange customers.

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After an unsuccessful hunt for a particular clawed person in Chinatown, Pat has made her way to the Park for some quality nap time when she runs into her favorite Mime.

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Simon encounters a foul mooded Pat in Chinatown.

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Gwen runs into Pat...quite literally as Pat escapes the chaos of the Port Authority.

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